Core Communication Strategies
Building healthier relationships
Effective communication is key to building strong, healthy relationships. Sadly, when faced with conflict, it is all too easy to fall into poor communication techniques such as defensiveness, criticism, dismissal or evasiveness. If you are experiencing challenges in communication, whether with friends, intimate partners or professionally, the following strategies may help you to better address disputes and differences of opinion.
Active Listening Focus on giving your full attention without distractions. Maintain good eye contact and offer affirming acknowledgement of the other person’s perspective. Summarise what you have heard to confirm your understanding and clarify any misunderstandings immediately. Ask engaged questions instead of assuming what others are thinking or feeling.
Use “I” statements Try structuring your communications by first expressing your emotion, then identify the source of the conflict and finally make a specific request. By avoiding blanket statements and encouraging vulnerability, communication can be focused on problem-solving rather than assigning blame.
Consider your Audience It is important to craft your message according to the circumstances of the communication. Considering how best to directly and clearly express yourself, without either patronising or overcomplicating issues. This is particularly important if you are interacting with individuals with different cultural expectations or your communication is not in your/their native language.
Schedule Regular Check-Ins Dedicating time to talk about presenting issues prevents small issues becoming major conflicts. It also ensures that everyone can be fully present in the discussion, away from distractions and with an agenda in mind. Setting aside time, particularly for loved ones, also symbolises the value you place in the relationship.
Use Technology Appropriately Short form communication via text can easily lead to miscommunication, particularly when discussing emotionally charged issues. Without the presence of key communication cues (such as intonation, facial expressions and body language), discussions can easily spiral.
Practice Self-Regulation In moments of conflict, it is important to focus on the problem rather than attacking others. Take time to centre yourself and share your thoughts and feelings calmly and openly, without shouting or talking over others. Being honest and transparent encourages vulnerability which can deepen trust and emotional intimacy.
Consider Body-Language Take time to consider the consistency between your verbal communication and your non-verbal signals. Mixed messaging can heighten confusion and distract the listener from what you are intending to communicate.
Show Appreciation and Gratitude Regularly identifying positive qualities and commitment reduces defensiveness and promotes collaboration. Seeking constructive feedback and being open to alternative perspectives encourages trust and can minimise talking at cross purposes.
Reflect on Your Communication Patterns Our communication patterns, particularly in intimate relationships, can be heavily conditioned by early experiences. Take time to consider your communication style and evaluate how effectively it is working. For example, are you able to express your needs respectfully and assertively, or do you often avoid speaking up or come across as demanding or hostile?
If you are experiencing communication issues, counselling can provide guidance and tools for healthier and more effective communication.