Opening Up?
How therapy can help a couple who have decided to open up their relationship
Seeing a therapist experienced in working with non-monogamous and polyamorous relationships can be an invaluable resource for couples who have decided to open up their relationship. The transitioning process from closed to open (whatever format the openness takes) can throw up complicated relationship issues, and affirming counselling can help the couple to navigate these complexities, build communication and trust and establish a solid foundation for this new dynamic.
Whatever stage the couple might be in this transition, therapy can provide guidance, including: initial discussions and agreements, managing emotions and expectations as the relationship opens and revisiting or adjusting agreements and commitments over time.
Clarifying Motivations and Goals Therapy can help each partner explore their reasons for wanting to open the relationship and ensure that there is informed consent. Exploring and understanding different types of ethical non-monogamy (such as polyamory, swinging, hierarchical/non-hierarchical relationship dynamics) with an informed therapist can help couples determine what kind of open relationship best suits their values and goals.
Establishing Boundaries and Agreements A therapist can facilitate discussions by providing a safe space in which both partners feel heard and respected when crafting these commitments. An informed therapist is well placed to advise on areas to consider such as emotional and/or physical exclusivity, what details to share about outside partners and guidelines for safe sex and health considerations.
Addressing Fears of Abandonment, Insecurities and Jealousy Exploring an open relationship can bring up difficult emotions. Therapy can help each partner to understand and manage these emotions, as well as building open, honest and non-defensive communication within the couple. Building trust and connection can also foster greater emotional intimacy within the couple.
Navigating Conflict Resolution Opening up a relationship may introduce new types of conflict, such as disagreements about boundaries or feelings of inequality. Therapy can help the couple develop conflict-resolution strategies that promote collaboration rather than blame or criticism.
Fostering Personal Growth Opening a relationship can prompt individual self-reflection. A therapist can help each partner explore their personal values and desires, how their identity fits into the relationship and ways for both partners to grow both independently and as a couple.
Advice on Resources and Community Engagement An informed therapist can provide specific advice on helpful books/resources which can support this transition, including podcasts or social media aimed at non-monogamous couples, local community support groups or dating apps tailored to consensually non-monogamous connections.
Many traditional therapists are not familiar with or affirming of these relationship dynamics, so selecting a therapist who aligns with your goals is crucial.
Unicorn Care specialises in providing therapy to non-monogamous or polyamorous individuals, couples and polycules.